Sunday, April 4, 2010

Quit Hatin' on the Women

I would like to take this time to talk about something that even I myself have been found guilty of. That would be hatin' (hard) on women's sports and physical ability. Before I get into this I would like to make a few points that I hope everyone keeps in mind before, during and after my speech. I will attempt to organize them in bullet form because I've learned it is much easier to read that way. Okay lets do this!!! Diamond Status Richter up to bat....
-Men's brains are larger than women's brains and thats a fact (7%-9% on average I believe). Learned that little gem of knowledge in psychology, whether or not it is due to the fact that men are on average 7%-9% larger than women is completely unrelated in my opinion. that is the first thing to keep in mind... pun intended. Damn he's good. I know. Thanks. Your welcome.
-I, myself, THE Drichter2.0, is guilty of being a HOWSAAA on occasion but that has all changed after this past day
-HOWSAAA stands for Hater on Women's Sports And Athletic Abilities..pretty important thing to know considering had I not let you in on this little secret, the 2nd point to keep in mind would make absolutely no sense to anyone in the world except me and maybe Alex or Jake who both have an uncanny ability to guess what my shortened letter phrases stand for (I'm sure there is a word for what that would be referred to but I'm in the freakin zone right now so I gotta keep flowin' baby..GET YOUR SHINE ON)
-third and final point to keep in mind is that I am in no way racist, genderist (this refers to the belief that men>woman), or any other type of prejudiced that I was taught not to believe in as a young child by my fabulous parents (<3 thats a heart) (and I truly don't believe in any of that bullshizz) but with that said and for the blog's sake let me end by saying that men>women, Asian people are much smarter than me, black people are much, much, much more athletic on average than any other race, every Irish person has red hair (including your boy), the majority of red-heads don't have souls (excluding your boy), and mexicans are the best people to go to when your in the mood for mexican food.

Now onto the good stuff-even though I hate to admit it but that was some GREAT MATERIAL UP THERE, if that doesn't tickle your twine, I really don't know what will. So the inspiration for today's installment is due to the basketball game I just watched between the UConn and Baylor's women's teams for the chance to compete in the division 1 championship game. (our team here at wash u won the division 3 title..NBD (no big deal)). So I've heard a variety of people on ESPN, people in magazines and an unbelievable amount of homeless people on the street say things like," UConn's women's team is the most dominant team in sports right now and quite possibly ever in women's basketball... or Uconn's women's team is hotter than a fiery molten lava volcano erupting on the sun's surface while spewing fiery hot sauce from taco bell at the same time... or if Uconn's women's team reproduced with the 1992 Olympic Dream Team, they would breed a superhuman race capable of taking over the planet solely with an array of thunderous and flashy basketball skills and their freakish intimidating attributes.

All these factual quotes from prominent sports enthusiasts actually have merit because Uconn's women's team is on a motherflipping 76 game winning streak which is incredible. Lets reduce and simplify the process of a game so that the number we get will mean absolutely nothing but will make the feat of winning 76 games in a row sound great. So you can win or lose a game ...50% chance of each and with that approach, that would leave winning 76 in a row to be .5^76. When you put this on a calculator because its impossible to do math with decimals in it without one, you get this answer 1.32*10^-23. Now I could be wrong but I think that means your suppose to move the decimal 23 times to the left and put that many 0's before the decimal. That leaves a very small percentage and thats incredible. All jokes aside, why did the chicken cross the road haha sorry I literally laughed when I wrote that but seriously, all jokes aside, thats an incredible accomplishment by the Uconn's women's team.

sidenote-I don't know if this has ever happened to you before but I think its a sign-at the same exact time that I typed incredible, the song I was listening to said incredible so i take this as a sign from a higher power and will keep track of every time this happens from now on and keep an ongoing count at the bottom of this blog ever week.

Back to the matter at hand. So I get sidetracked with sidenotes and an odd thought process, but anyways, I watched the UConn vs Baylor game and was extremely impressed with what I saw. So Baylor has this 6'8 giant named Britteny Griner and although she could quite possibly be the one person I would consistently K in the KHM game...(I'm going to change the words to the kill, hookup, marry for the kids sake but you know what I'm talking about), she is an unreal basketball talent who can dunk, block shots left and right, and is actually pretty athletic. Now being impressed by her only led me to be more impressed by Uconn's Tina Charles who had the sweetest baby hook shot I've ever seen. I though it was a lost art but she brought it out in full force against Griner's 12 foot long tree trunk arms and I think I caught her saying, would you like some KAREEEEM (the male with the sweetest baby hook) with that coffee as she shot around Griner. In addition to all this madness, Maya Moore, Uconn's sexy stud was drainin buckets ADL-all day long. And did just about anything. If I were to play any of these 3 players, not only do I think they would beat me to a sweaty pulp-I doubt they'd draw blood but if that were the case, bloody pulp-but I think they would put me to such shame that I literally wouldn't be able to show my face in public ever again resulting in my first ever ski-mask purchase. So that right there was the first thing that made me jump on the women justttt might actually be equal to men bandwagon.

The next thing that solidified my position on this wagon was that I thought back to my sand volleyball game with Ross, Tricia, and Kristin (shoutout <3). While Ross and I were flailing across the sand diving at everything possible (and everything that required no dive whatsoever), Tricia and Kristin were definitely the MVFP/PIG. Most valuable female players/players in general. I ended up with a bloody elbow from diving on a sneaky rock hidden in the sand and was sarcastically called such things as..I kid you not...a graceful swan, an ostrich, and I think a gazell. All this while Ross finished the game with tendonidis in all his joints including his eyes, sand in his shoes (even though our shoes were 40 feet away!!!) and his dignity lost. The women on the other hand were about 5X more attractive at the end of the game, made every key play/save/point, were the best players on the court by far, and actually smelled like perfume and roses by the end. Case in exactly how to use that expression but I've never tried so I'm going to give it a go in point, women, I believe, should not be hated on anymore because their talent, although different, is just as impressive as any XX chromosomes talent.

I could keep going forever because, like I said, I'm in the zone, but its time I stop giving you solid Diamonds and save some for next week. Call me the Jeweler from now on. I'm honestly pumped about that nickname I just came up with-its sick. I just wish someone else had given it to me though :(. I'm going to go on the rest of my career pretending someone sent me an e-mail from one of my blogs with that nickname suggestion if anyone asks.

Hope this one provided a few laughs and made up for my lack of blogging abilities last post. It was long but it was also heart-felt.

Signs from G-D: "incredible"

Peace out,

the Jewler

I love it.

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