Monday, April 12, 2010

Its that time again

So I'm currently out of commission. Been laying in my bed all day long basically with a very odd sickness that I can't quite put my finger on. So once in a while I'll feel A-okay and think the worst has passed but then I'll get out of bed to celebrate the defeat of my sickness with a victory dance and KABLAM-my head will start to hurt again which will lead to my stomach hurting (don't ask me exactly how one leads to the other because it really makes no sense to me either, but its what happens so go with it, no questions asked), the next stage of the sickness includes me slowly getting back to bed which involves me using the muscles in my arms and legs to gracefully and swiftly lower me into The Sleeper (my bed). Seeing as the previous sentence was most likely one of the longest ones ever written even though the grammar was far from right, I decided to end it, write this one, and then finish it with the following sentence.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by the break up sentence, after I use the measly muscles I do have, they immediately start to ache which frightens me. That in combination with all the other symptoms is never a good sign but I've taken all the necessary precautions to combat this sickness and come out the victor. Those precautions include skipping two classes, laying in bed for approximately 9 hours, making my 2 friends bring me food, not taking medicine, not going to get checked out by an actual doctor, watching T.V. for those 9 straight hours and thinking long and hard about what to say here to keep my adoring audience entertained. As you can see, although I have not yet graduated from Wash U's med school (nor will I ever because I'm in the business school-WAH HAH), I know all I need to about illnesses and getting over them. My plan is that by tomorrow, I will be healthy, tan and basically all over better looking- we'll see how that goes...

Before I forget, I had another sign from g-d the other day. As I was gettin my J on (my jog on) or what people who actually saw me might call, a medium to slow paced walk, I was jammin' out to some old time tunes to keep me motivated and keep my legs moving one after the other. Everyone's favorite song, Da Dip by the family favorite Freak Nasty came on. Any human who wants to do something with their life will have listened to this song therefor know the lyrics and will recognize the part when Mr. Nasty says, "I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut. So what's up?" At that very moment a squirrel, most likely searching for a nut, ran right in front of me on the sidewalk! Coincidence? I don't think so! If you remember from earlier posts I'm going to keep a running tally on instances like this so I can't exactly tell what it means right now but I definitely feel something big is coming together. So far I have, "I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut. So what's up?" and "incredible". If anyone has ideas about what it means feel free to let me know.

So my big day in The Sleeper and my room led me to realize some things about myself that are pretty embarrassing so I figured why not let everyone know. First of them being, and i think everyone can agree with this, whenever one is sick the 1 and only person they want is to be home (real home, not college dorm) with their mom. Moms have an odd talent that allows them, even with no proper training in the fine medicinal arts, to heal any wound and cure any sickness. Its a weird phenomenon but its true, rarely do mothers fail at this which led me to a very interesting revelation. Not that I've experienced it yet, but once I reach legal drinking age, if I ever have what is referred to as a hangover, I think I'm just going to go directly to my mom and have her fix me. Hangover cure=mom. This is just my first step in making the world a better place. Your welcome.

Next embarrassing thing noticed is that I sleep with 2 stuffed animals. This has been going on all semester but I don't think I've ever realized it. I don't see a big problem with it considering my other stuffed sleeping partner (that sounded awful) is a big basketball I use as a pillow. I have a turtle that I actually sewed in 6th grade (in a class, not something I did for the fun of it) and a stuffed bear I got at the dollar store. The turtle is rapidly falling apart and actually looks like a lopsided green ball right now but he has sentimental value so I can't ever let him go. The bear on the other hand I have no excuses for, except that it is soft and loyal (never ever leaves my side).

The last thing I noticed is that when I get sick, for some reason, listening to hardcore music like 'N Sync, Michelle Branch and Savage Garden (Truly Madly Deeply) makes me feel better. I don't know if this is because I actually listen to these people regularly and not only when I'm sick, or if their smooth harmonies put my aching body to rest, but this music is the key to my health when it's in shambles.

Thats about it for me today. I couldn't perform as well as I usually do, i.e. drop solid diamonds on ya'll, because of my sickness but I said what I had to and if its not up to par, read last weeks SOLID GOLD NUGGETS IN THE FORM OF A BLOG again.

Like Christina Aguilera once said, If you want to be with me, baby theres a price to pay, I'm a genie in a bottle , ya gotta rub me the right way. GNITE.


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Quit Hatin' on the Women

I would like to take this time to talk about something that even I myself have been found guilty of. That would be hatin' (hard) on women's sports and physical ability. Before I get into this I would like to make a few points that I hope everyone keeps in mind before, during and after my speech. I will attempt to organize them in bullet form because I've learned it is much easier to read that way. Okay lets do this!!! Diamond Status Richter up to bat....
-Men's brains are larger than women's brains and thats a fact (7%-9% on average I believe). Learned that little gem of knowledge in psychology, whether or not it is due to the fact that men are on average 7%-9% larger than women is completely unrelated in my opinion. that is the first thing to keep in mind... pun intended. Damn he's good. I know. Thanks. Your welcome.
-I, myself, THE Drichter2.0, is guilty of being a HOWSAAA on occasion but that has all changed after this past day
-HOWSAAA stands for Hater on Women's Sports And Athletic Abilities..pretty important thing to know considering had I not let you in on this little secret, the 2nd point to keep in mind would make absolutely no sense to anyone in the world except me and maybe Alex or Jake who both have an uncanny ability to guess what my shortened letter phrases stand for (I'm sure there is a word for what that would be referred to but I'm in the freakin zone right now so I gotta keep flowin' baby..GET YOUR SHINE ON)
-third and final point to keep in mind is that I am in no way racist, genderist (this refers to the belief that men>woman), or any other type of prejudiced that I was taught not to believe in as a young child by my fabulous parents (<3 thats a heart) (and I truly don't believe in any of that bullshizz) but with that said and for the blog's sake let me end by saying that men>women, Asian people are much smarter than me, black people are much, much, much more athletic on average than any other race, every Irish person has red hair (including your boy), the majority of red-heads don't have souls (excluding your boy), and mexicans are the best people to go to when your in the mood for mexican food.

Now onto the good stuff-even though I hate to admit it but that was some GREAT MATERIAL UP THERE, if that doesn't tickle your twine, I really don't know what will. So the inspiration for today's installment is due to the basketball game I just watched between the UConn and Baylor's women's teams for the chance to compete in the division 1 championship game. (our team here at wash u won the division 3 title..NBD (no big deal)). So I've heard a variety of people on ESPN, people in magazines and an unbelievable amount of homeless people on the street say things like," UConn's women's team is the most dominant team in sports right now and quite possibly ever in women's basketball... or Uconn's women's team is hotter than a fiery molten lava volcano erupting on the sun's surface while spewing fiery hot sauce from taco bell at the same time... or if Uconn's women's team reproduced with the 1992 Olympic Dream Team, they would breed a superhuman race capable of taking over the planet solely with an array of thunderous and flashy basketball skills and their freakish intimidating attributes.

All these factual quotes from prominent sports enthusiasts actually have merit because Uconn's women's team is on a motherflipping 76 game winning streak which is incredible. Lets reduce and simplify the process of a game so that the number we get will mean absolutely nothing but will make the feat of winning 76 games in a row sound great. So you can win or lose a game ...50% chance of each and with that approach, that would leave winning 76 in a row to be .5^76. When you put this on a calculator because its impossible to do math with decimals in it without one, you get this answer 1.32*10^-23. Now I could be wrong but I think that means your suppose to move the decimal 23 times to the left and put that many 0's before the decimal. That leaves a very small percentage and thats incredible. All jokes aside, why did the chicken cross the road haha sorry I literally laughed when I wrote that but seriously, all jokes aside, thats an incredible accomplishment by the Uconn's women's team.

sidenote-I don't know if this has ever happened to you before but I think its a sign-at the same exact time that I typed incredible, the song I was listening to said incredible so i take this as a sign from a higher power and will keep track of every time this happens from now on and keep an ongoing count at the bottom of this blog ever week.

Back to the matter at hand. So I get sidetracked with sidenotes and an odd thought process, but anyways, I watched the UConn vs Baylor game and was extremely impressed with what I saw. So Baylor has this 6'8 giant named Britteny Griner and although she could quite possibly be the one person I would consistently K in the KHM game...(I'm going to change the words to the kill, hookup, marry for the kids sake but you know what I'm talking about), she is an unreal basketball talent who can dunk, block shots left and right, and is actually pretty athletic. Now being impressed by her only led me to be more impressed by Uconn's Tina Charles who had the sweetest baby hook shot I've ever seen. I though it was a lost art but she brought it out in full force against Griner's 12 foot long tree trunk arms and I think I caught her saying, would you like some KAREEEEM (the male with the sweetest baby hook) with that coffee as she shot around Griner. In addition to all this madness, Maya Moore, Uconn's sexy stud was drainin buckets ADL-all day long. And did just about anything. If I were to play any of these 3 players, not only do I think they would beat me to a sweaty pulp-I doubt they'd draw blood but if that were the case, bloody pulp-but I think they would put me to such shame that I literally wouldn't be able to show my face in public ever again resulting in my first ever ski-mask purchase. So that right there was the first thing that made me jump on the women justttt might actually be equal to men bandwagon.

The next thing that solidified my position on this wagon was that I thought back to my sand volleyball game with Ross, Tricia, and Kristin (shoutout <3). While Ross and I were flailing across the sand diving at everything possible (and everything that required no dive whatsoever), Tricia and Kristin were definitely the MVFP/PIG. Most valuable female players/players in general. I ended up with a bloody elbow from diving on a sneaky rock hidden in the sand and was sarcastically called such things as..I kid you not...a graceful swan, an ostrich, and I think a gazell. All this while Ross finished the game with tendonidis in all his joints including his eyes, sand in his shoes (even though our shoes were 40 feet away!!!) and his dignity lost. The women on the other hand were about 5X more attractive at the end of the game, made every key play/save/point, were the best players on the court by far, and actually smelled like perfume and roses by the end. Case in exactly how to use that expression but I've never tried so I'm going to give it a go in point, women, I believe, should not be hated on anymore because their talent, although different, is just as impressive as any XX chromosomes talent.

I could keep going forever because, like I said, I'm in the zone, but its time I stop giving you solid Diamonds and save some for next week. Call me the Jeweler from now on. I'm honestly pumped about that nickname I just came up with-its sick. I just wish someone else had given it to me though :(. I'm going to go on the rest of my career pretending someone sent me an e-mail from one of my blogs with that nickname suggestion if anyone asks.

Hope this one provided a few laughs and made up for my lack of blogging abilities last post. It was long but it was also heart-felt.

Signs from G-D: "incredible"

Peace out,

the Jewler

I love it.